Saturday, November 16, 2013

Baby's coming soon !

I know that many women have gone through this before me and many women will go through this after me but, like every single one of them, I am most nervous about having something the size of a football pass through my wee vagina. Of course, this leads to feelings of guilt for not simply focusing on a healthy and strong baby which I do wish above all else................... but I cannot help this overwhelming feeling of FEAR.

Many will comfort themselves with the thought of an epidural but I, I want not an epidural and not for any other reason then simply- I hate needles, I hate the thought of having a thing attached to my back which could lead to a catheter attached to my urethra and above all else, I don't want the 'pushing' prolonged and then risk having to be induced, thus having a bazillion interceptions ! Whether or not I'll be able to go through with no epidural or have no complications, I cannot predict or anticipate. But I seek no comfort in drugs and thus, I have no comfort blanket to fall back on aside from breathing and focusing on each contraction at a time and to look forward to this horrendous thing called "the ring of fire" as soon as possible so that I can meet our child. A human being that we've created... I guess that will be my comfort blanket. Once this is over, we'll finally meet this alien that's been inside of me kicking and moving and dancing all over my bladder at the most inopportune times.

Yes... And that is actually comforting.

Away with all my fears of not being big enough or not looking like I can't move. For the life of me, I don't know why people expect the ideal pregnant woman to gain 80 lbs in 9 months and to be immobile. I simply don't believe that it's healthy for either mom or baby. I hope my assessment is correct as I've been living on this belief. I guess we'll see. 

So for now, let's just breathe, chillax and enjoy the next three weeks.