Day 9 of mat leave: Tempers, good intentions, some good food and some not so good.

Tempers and good intentions were my bane yesterday. And yet again, I run through conflicting feelings of pleasing others and pleasing myself, especially at this time. All of which, lead me to into one big conundrum of explosive ill behavior resulting in regrets and hurt feelings. Sometimes, best intentions are not what the receiving party needs but one should still stay calm and appreciative which I totally failed to do. Lessons learned- be clear on my needs, even if it's to reject a well-intentioned action and to calm the fuck down all the time, think before doing or saying! Things that all mamas try to teach their kids and after 30 years, I still have a horrible time abiding by. Anyway, what's done is done. Remediation actions taken, at least the best that I can think of for the situation and nothing to do but accept that I have faults, what's done is done and to move on.

Which leads me to think on my own tendency to be unforgiving and unrelenting in my anger when I'm on the receiving end of wrong behavior. Perhaps it's simply time to forgive and forget and to remember that everybody has faults and makes mistakes. Just like me. 

Aside from a bad morning and then a worst late evening, I had time to make some new items last night for a visiting friend. I made winter melon soup, soy chicken and my tomatoe & egg dish but with a different method that FAILED big time LOL. Unfortunately, as I was rather distracted from the drama in the AM, I failed to take pictures but here are the recipes-

Winter melon soup

Ingredients: 

-carcass, feet and neck of chicken

-a slab of lean pork meat

-a few slices of ginger

-these dry red cherry things that I wish I knew the name of in English so this will be a TBD until I find out... 

-a slab of winter melon, really up to you how much you want in there

Steps:

-all ingredients except for the winter melon into a pot with water filled to cover everything. This part's a wee bit tricky as it depends on your pot and you want to make sure that after when you add the winter melon, there's still enough space left in the pot for the soup to not boil over.

-bring pot to a boil and then simmer for an hour.

-cut slab of melon into eighths and dump into soup, simmer for another hour.

That's it!

Result:

I added too much water, once my winter melon was in, the pot was about to overflow so I had to remove a bowl of soup practically so the soup could've been tastier with more chicken carcass, pork & melon flavor. But otherwise, still hearty and healthy. 

Soy sauce chicken

Ingredients:

-some chicken pieces, I had a full drumstick, two pieces of breast and 2 wings. BUT, these parts were from a HUGE chicken, my friend thought I used a small turkey :)

-a metal skillet

-1 small spoon of dark soy sauce

-Enough light soy sauce so that all pan is covered with chicken inside

-about 3 teaspoons of sugar

-2 slices ginger

-2 scallion pieces, about 3 inches long

Steps:

Put everything in an oiled cold pan, cover with top, put on high sauces boil, then put on lowest heat and simmer for about 30 minutes. I chose to flip the pieces so all sides get a good simmering in the sauces and simmered for another 10 minutes.

Result:

Super yummy chicken and sooooooooo easy ! Will do this again for sure. 

Tomatoe-egg dish

Ingredients:

-tomatoes sliced into quarters

-whipped eggs, I guess 2 for 3 people menu, 3 for 4 people menu

-a PAN!! not a pot like what I used yesterday because I was too lazy to break out our other pan since I was using the metal skillet for the chicken........ 

-2 teaspoons of sugar

-1 teaspoon of salt

-minced garlic

Steps:

-heat up pan on high and oil it up 

-dump the garlic in and let heat up until a bit golden

-dump tomatoes in

-turn heat down to medium

-stir a bit, tomatoes will start melting but while still whole, pour egg over the tomatoe and put cover on to let dish cook. 

-once egg is solidified, stir the dish a bit and let cook for a bit longer until all of the egg is cooked.

Result:

I used a pot which didn't give enough surface area to the tomatoes and I ended up with tomatoe soup and because I didn't put the egg in while the tomatoes were still whole, I ended up dumping egg into soup which gave me a tomatoe-egg soup. Fail. Will have to do this again another day. 

A for effort and B+ for result I'd say !

Don't be small.

A happy post !

I realize the last few years, I’ve been becoming… a very small person. Not in size, obviously. But counting kindnesses that I’ve output and comparing them to kindnesses reciprocated. On my birthday, my coworkers surprised me with cupcakes and fruit. And today, they surprised me again with a gift for my maternity leave. Mind you, I’m sure it was just a few people that organized and the rest donated to the small celebration begrudgingly due to peer pressure. Hell, I’ve given begrudgingly on multiple occasions as well, not just at work but within our social circles. But those work surprises were kind and appreciated and managed to break through my ice-y, bitter jadedness like a steak knife through Jello.

So you know what? It’s time to quit the bitching.

All this negativity stems from years of the generosity mantra that I’ve seen my own mother demonstrate. For me, she’s one of the most generous ladies I know, in time, effort and her wallet. And the observation that I’ve always had is that about 10% of those recipients that receive her kindness reciprocate, the rest don’t even recognize or appreciate any of it. In fact, I’d say 20% ask why she’s so silly behind her back, what’s the point of being so nice? To be honest, I’ve often asked that myself, more so now that I’m older.

I can’t say that I’m able to be half as kind as she is but I won’t be bitter anymore and I won’t question her life motto.  If and when I give, it will be for the sake of inspiring a small joy in the recipient and I will want naught back because I wouldn’t give if I couldn’t afford it. I will also accept graciously and not feel any guilt tripping. In fact, I’ll just be grateful on top of all the other things that I have to be grateful for … and not suspiciously wonder what the catch is…

It’s all the more important now because soon, I’ll be the role model for another human being. Their attitude towards life will be hugely influenced by me. It’s scary and there’s a lot of self-pressure to become a better and happier person- to balance that fine line between naivety and living a life with meaning. For now, I’ll start with this. Stop being so small and start living with more genuine generosity.